Author: argh (@ onho)
Length: 4,881 words
Summary: Jinki wants to die. :/ So he overdoses...
Warnings: un-betaed. Sorry for the terrible grammar and typos? :/ blegh. And I feel terrible right now :/ so I haven't even checked this sorry.
Dedication: uh this part is especially for Kuri ♥ - because of stuff we talked about. Probably does not make sense... but that's okay. Also does not matter that you don't read this XD! Also for ryukilla ♥ I hope you approve of this ending even if it makes you hate me?
Previous parts: ( one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven )
fade out – Epilogue
(for Kuri <3 & Ryuki <3 )
(Three weeks later)
Kibum always looked forward to the afternoons that Jonghyun was there, because he always came to talk to him. He felt slightly guilty because Jonghyun would spend the whole time with him and he was sure he was meant to be doing something else. He tapped his finger against the glass, fidgeting slightly because he was bored – when Jonghyun was not there he had no one to talk to. He sighed and stood there and wondered how Minho was doing, it felt strange to think that Jinki had been dead for almost three weeks now.
Kibum couldn’t help but smile, hearing that nickname and he turned around to see Jonghyun smirking in the doorway of what was Jinki’s old room. He straightened up and turned and pressed his back to the windowsill, smiling as the other boy grinned brightly and then came across to stand next to him. Kibum swallowed deeply as he looked across at Jonghyun, and how close he stood.
“You never told me why you always come in here.” Jonghyun murmured thoughtfully, “I mean I guess you don’t want to talk about it but I was curious. I’m not pressuring you to tell me, just mentioning that I’m curious. Plus its weird – all of the other empty rooms are locked but not this one.” Kibum tensed slightly, and he hated Jonghyun for bringing it up, but then he realised he wanted to talk about it, he wanted to tell someone.
“Hm I guess... I do want to talk about it." He shrugged and turned to face the window, “this room was Lee Jinki’s – a patient here and he died three weeks ago.” Kibum didn’t say anything but he saw Jonghyun’s shocked expression out of the corner of his eye. “We were close... well the three of us – Minho, Jinki and I. Minho was discharged and Jinki well yeah he was too, so he could die.” He could see Jonghyun looked completely confused, “He tried to commit suicide – and it took his body a few weeks to shut down.”
“That’s weird.” Jonghyun frowned, “I’m sorry he died but it sounds strange... that it took so long.” Kibum frowned across at him, “I’m really sorry you lost your friends! And that Jinki died.” He reached over and squeezed Kibum’s hand to reassure him.
“Yeah we were close. It was complicated though - Jinki really liked me, and Minho really liked Jinki.” Kibum shook his head slightly, “I didn’t like either of them more than a friend, but Jinki was really persistent.” Kibum paused and sucked in a deep breath, “He kept pestering me to have sex with him, and stuff like that, but... it made me feel uncomfortable and awkward.” Jonghyun’s eyes widened in surprise next to Kibum, and he regretted his words immediately.
“Really?” Jonghyun gasped audibly, “That must have been really awkward.”
“Fuck.” Kibum glared out the window, “Fuck I’m doing it again.” He shut his eyes and stood their looking pained for a second, “I don’t know why I do it.” He sighed, and kept his eyes shut, and Jonghyun stared curiously at him. “No, he never pestered me for sex. Jinki was not like that. Fuck. Sorry. Ignore what I said about that. We’ll just say that the three of us were close.” Kibum nodded his head firmly and he turned to look at Jonghyun.
Kibum sighed as he slumped down on his bed he felt full after breakfast. He bit his lip feeling annoyed at how cold Jinki and Minho had been at breakfast. Especially Jinki, he frowned and wondered what his problem was – how he could keep pestering him to have sex with him. But then he acted so cold at breakfast, acting like he had not kept bugging him. He frowned and ran his fingers over the visible scars in his arms, looking at the neat white lines when he heard the sound of the door. Kibum looked up in surprise and then he smiled as he saw Minho coming into the room.
“Hey.” Kibum smiled sweetly across at him, standing up and moving over towards the other boy.
“Kibum.” Minho mumbled softly, his voice sounding rough and Kibum stared in surprise at him. He sighed, thinking he was hearing things now too. Kibum rubbed his eyes and he glanced up at Minho, surprised when he saw how serious and unhappy the other boy looked.
“You... you didn’t... just speak, did you?” Kibum laughed softly, “Haha course not, you’re practically mute.”
“Kibum, I did.” Minho sighed and he bit his lip, and Kibum’s eyes widened in surprise, he gaped up at the taller boy. “Kibum, how could do you do that to Jinki?” He frowned and shook his head, and Kibum just stared feeling stunned and confused. He was so shocked that Minho had spoken, but he was confused about what he was talking about.
“What.” Kibum blinked, “Oh you mean last night? But... but Jinki-hyung wanted it.” Kibum frowned and shook his head, “He’s playing you for a fool Minho.” Kibum sighed, “I swear he must be! He’s always asking me to have sex with him! But he pretends to be so innocent and sweet in front of you... it makes me feel sick he’s such a liar.” Kibum opened his mouth to say more but Minho slapped him across the face, stunning him into silence. Kibum cupped his cheek, rubbing it lightly, he was so shocked the other boy had slapped him, and his face stung.
“Kibum-hyung, you’re lying.” Minho looked slightly apologetic for the slap and Kibum continued to touch his tender cheek. “Don’t make things up like that. Just don’t – I know it’s your illness, but you know he didn’t want that. Don’t you?” He frowned across at the other boy looking so sad, Kibum actually felt guilty, seeing the pained expression across Minho’s face.
“Hyung, you really hurt and upset Jinki last night.” He shook his head slowly, “You took advantage of him – how could you do that to him? I’m so glad I stopped you that I came along when I did,” He sighed heavily, and Kibum swallowed, staring up at Minho curiously. Hearing Minho’s words made him realise the other boy was right but it felt strange because he had two impressions in his head of the scene. They overlapped and blurred and confused him, and he knew which was real now, but the other was still there, looking just as real.
“I-I know.” He whispered, “But sometimes it’s hard to tell... what’s real... and what isn’t. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t... say you’re sorry to me. Say it to hyung.” Minho sighed and he rubbed his throat, “Sorry I didn’t mean to be so harsh but hyung was just so upset last night. I’m glad I could be there for him.” Minho nodded his head firmly, “I know it’s crazy... but I’d... I’d do anything for him.” Kibum stared up at Minho, and he could see that the other boy meant his words.
“Okay.” Kibum nodded his head slowly, “How-how long have you been able to talk for?” He finally asked, and he felt slightly hurt that Minho had hidden it from him. He felt hurt that Jinki had changed things to change between them, but at the same time he felt happy when he saw how happy Minho looked talking about Jinki.
“You must hate me.” Kibum whispered, glancing down and eyeing the scars littered across his skin, “I had... no idea you had such strong feelings for him.” He bit his lip and then glanced up, “You can hate me, its fine.” He shrugged, “Just... don’t hurt Jinki-hyung, and just tell me how long you’ve been talking for.”
“Just a little while,” Minho smiled and he reached forward to hug Kibum lightly, “Hyung, I don’t hate you, but I am hurt by how you treated Jinki-hyung. I love him, so your actions hurt me too.” Minho squeezed the other boy lightly, “I hope your meds start working soon so you can leave too, I’m being discharged today. Don’t tell anyone, please.”
“Kibummie~ Kibummie!” Jonghyun sang as he peeped into Jinki’s old room, and the other boy laughed hearing his silly singing voice. “Hey hey Kibummie!” Jonghyun sang as he walked into the room, grinning at Kibum’s reaction to his singing. He was doubled over, laughing loudly at squeaky high pitched voice, it just sounded so ridiculous.
“You’ve never heard such an amazing voice before, right?” He posed for the other boy, and Kibum laughed louder, he looked even more ridiculous posing like that in the nurse’s tunic.
“No I haven’t.” Kibum grinned across at Jonghyun, “I uh missed you.” He admitted, looking down shyly, “you didn’t come yesterday.” He glanced up to see Jonghyun’s happy expression and Kibum swallowed, wishing he had not just said that out loud. He was probably embarrassing himself – and he never embarrassed himself. He wondered what was going on, why his heart was beating so erratically whenever Jonghyun was there.
“Sorry, yeah I had a school event,” Jonghyun rolled his eyes, “It was boring, I would have preferred to be here.” He added a moment later, and Kibum studied his expression and tone to see if he was being sarcastic, but he was not. He felt his heart doing more flips in his chest, and he hated his body for reacting this way, but it was hard not to. It was hard when he saw Jonghyun so often, and he was always so close and caring towards him. Sometimes Kibum felt like they were the only people there, sometimes it felt like they were the only ones who existed.
“Oh.” Kibum studied the floor carefully, feeling embarrassed, “I see.” He added a moment later, risking a look up to see that Jonghyun was staring at him. It felt good to have someone like Jonghyun there, and he realised that when he left he was going to really miss him. They had grown really close, but Kibum figured it was all the time they spent together.
“Hm, oh by the way Doctor Song wants to talk to you.” Kibum frowned hearing that, and he figured that Jonghyun must be mistaken – Lee Changsun was his doctor not Song Joongki.
“Doctor Song? Not Doctor Lee?” He blinked as Jonghyun shook his head, “That’s weird but Lee always talks to me…” Kibum shrugged and then said, “Thanks wanna play cards later?” He grinned as Jonghyun nodded his head eagerly.
Kibum felt nervous as he walked into the main doctor’s office, his palms felt damp and sweaty as he sat down opposite the other attractive doctor. He always thought it was weird how Doctor Song had been Jinki’s doctor because usually he did not see any patients himself, but rather he oversaw the other doctors and ran the hospital. Kibum swallowed, and he remembered the last time he came barging in here, he felt mortified about it now.
“Kibum-ssi, how are you feeling now? Doctor Lee tells me you’ve been doing well, and you’ve been taking your medication.” The doctor leaned forward studying the patients face carefully and Kibum nodded his head it was true he had been taking his medication. “So you’ve been feeling better, Kibum-ssi?” Joongki nodded his head, as he looked at Kibum; he was so different to how he had been three weeks earlier.
“Yeah.” Kibum nodded his head, “I guess so.” He shrugged, wondering why he was even in there. He did not understand he had talked to Doctor Lee earlier that day and now he was forced to see Doctor Song too. He sighed and looked down at his hands which were resting on his lap. “I don’t understand why I’m here.”
“We’re thinking of discharging you.” Kibum’s eyes widened in surprise and the doctor nodded his head, “But you’ll have to come back here every month for a check up. But you can’t be in here forever, and if you’re going to take your medication we see no reason for you to stay here.” He shrugged casually, “Plus we’re getting sick of seeing you.” He smiled almost fondly across at Kibum, who sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah I know. I’m sick to death of this place too.” He rolled his eyes, “Can’t wait to leave again. Hope I won’t have to come back again either.” He smirked across at the doctor, “Oh... do you think you could tell me Minho’s address, I’d like to visit him. I kind of miss him...” He looked down at the desk, “And Jinki.” He frowned and when he lifted his head he looked sad.
“Hm that should be fine. I’ll get one of the nurses to give it to you before you leave. I hear you’ve been hanging around one of the volunteer nurses?” He smirked and Kibum paled slightly, “See Kibum-ssi I don’t miss much around here.” He grinned, “Okay you can go now, and we’ll discharge you tomorrow, so we have time to talk to your parents.”
Kibum rolled his eyes as his mother hugged him tightly, and his dad picked up his suitcase, he didn’t say anything as he headed off to the car with his stuff. Kibum figured he was still embarrassed that his son was in the mental hospital again, it was something he rarely talked about. Kibum sighed and finally managed to get his mother off him, “It was only a few weeks!” He snapped feeling embarrassed as he caught sight of Jonghyun smirking in the doorway. “Only a few weeks that I didn’t see you guys.” He swallowed, and stepped back from his mother.
“I know, but we missed you.” Kibum’s mother gushed, “I’m sorry we even went away.” She looked almost tearful, and Kibum just rolled his eyes again. He knew his mum missed him, but his father he was never quite sure if he missed him or not.
“Okay mum, can you go out first, I need... to say goodbye to some people first.” He smiled and sighed in relief when she agreed to that. His mother could be overprotective and embarrassing at times, and the last thing he needed was her around when he said goodbye to Jonghyun.
“I’ll only be a few minutes.” Kibum added as she hugged him one last time and then she pulled away and walked towards the door. Kibum sighed and then smiled as his mother left the room, and Jonghyun poked his head around the door, smiling warmly in at him.
“Hey Kibummie!” Jonghyun said brightly, “I uh have Minho’s address for you.” He grinned and held out a piece of paper, watching as Kibum took it. “So you’re leaving here.” He sighed, and Kibum realised he looked kind of sad. “It was so much fun talking to you.” He pouted and then stepped forward pulling Kibum into a hug, “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“I’m going to miss you too.” Kibum smiled as he hugged the other boy tightly. He pulled away after a few minutes and looked down at the scrap of paper that Jonghyun had given him. He frowned and looked up at the other boy, “Hey... why are there two addresses on here?” Kibum frowned and then blinked, “Hey is that your address and phone number Jjong?”
“Yup.” Jonghyun smirked across at him, “I figured you should have my contact details too.” He reached for Kibum’s wrist and held it lightly, “I uh hope we can still keep talking after you leave here. I don’t know about you but I’m so glad we met.” He murmured softly and then stepped back, releasing the other boy’s wrist. Kibum blinked and then smiled, stepping forward and he just pressed his lips against Jonghyun’s, kissing him softly.
Jonghyun’s arms slowly wrapped around his waist, pulling him in close, and Kibum didn’t think he had ever felt so happy. He hugged the other boy back, and he tilted his head down so he could kiss him again his eyes sliding shut as their lips pressed together. He could feel his heart pounding at a million miles an hour and the way Jonghyun’s arms slid around his waist made him feel so warm and protected.
Song Joongki sighed heavily as he stood by the window, watching the sun set. The sky was gradually darkening, and he watched the colours with some fascination, as if it was the first time he was seeing a sunset. He turned away when he heard a knock on the door and he turned to see Lee Changsun coming into his office. He bit his lip, wondering for the millionth time if he had done the right thing. If lying to his patients had been the right choice or not, he swallowed and turned to look out the window again.
“Hyung, you’re still stressing aren’t you?” Changsun laughed softly, “It’s too late to be stressing now, hyung it’s done. It’s over. Hell it’s been over for weeks now.” He mumbled shaking his head and laughing softly again. “I think you did the right thing Joongki-hyung.” He nodded his head as the other doctor turned to face him.
“Did I, did I really do the right thing?” He frowned, stepped forward, “I guess he didn’t want to die when he left, so maybe it was the right thing to do. I just keep worrying about him, if he’s okay or not.” He swallowed, feeling ridiculous as he looked across at the other doctor. “You know, maybe I should have waited and picked someone else – with less problems.”
“Hyung, first thing tomorrow morning – we’ll go and check on him. I’m sure he’s fine.” He smiled across at the senior doctor. “You’re just worried your dad will find out about this and you’ll get in trouble.” He smirked and shook his head, “I’m sure it’s going to be fine. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning.” He nodded his head and then turned around to leave.
After a train ride and a quick walk Kibum frowned as he walked through the quiet neighbourhood. Kibum stretched as he walked down the street, he had been home for a week now. He decided it was finally time to catch up with Minho. But as he walked down the streets, getting closer to the address he wished he had asked Jonghyun to come with him. He swallowed nervously; he didn’t want to see Minho, not on his own. He stopped and sighed, he didn’t want to hear about Jinki, he knew catching up with Minho would just confirm that the other boy was dead.
He turned away from the street Minho lived down, and he traced his steps back, until he saw a park on the other side of the road. He sighed and then decided to go there, he would call Jonghyun, and maybe he could meet him there. With Jonghyun there he could probably get the courage to go and visit Minho and face Jinki’s death, but he was not prepared to do it alone. He smiled feeling better now that he had a plan and he walked across the street, slipping in between the trees and he glanced around looking for an empty bench to sit on.
The sound of laughter caught his attention making him turn and look across the park. His eyes widened as he saw Minho walking into the park. Kibum groaned and then backed away blindly until his back hit a tree trunk and he couldn’t go any further. Great so I run into Minho without even trying to, fuck! He wanted to turn and run, he was not ready to face Minho yet, but something stopped him from moving away from the tree.
His eyes widened as he saw Minho’s arm stretched out, and as he walked into the park it was obvious he was holding someone’s hand. Kibum’s mouth went dry as he caught a glimpse of the other person through the foliage, and he thought it looked like Jinki. He went pale, and his knees shook as he stared at the other person. He slumped down on the grass, sweating and suddenly panicking that he was seeing things again. He felt sick as he saw what looked like Jinki hug Minho, smiling brightly. The more he stared the more he realised it had to be Jinki – there was no way it was Taemin. That Jinki was possibly alive (unless he was hallucinating), that he was not even dead. Kibum noticed how healthy and happy they both looked. He fervently hoped that it was real and that he was not hallucinating, that by some miracle Jinki was still alive.
Kibum trembled slightly as he watched them and then he frowned muttering, “Ungrateful bastards they didn’t even come to visit me once!” He frowned as he watched them walk off in the opposite direction, and then with shaking limbs he got up slowly and feeling dazed he made his way back to the train station. His fingers shaking as he looked through his phone for Jonghyun’s phone number, he had to talk to him.
Joongki rolled his eyes as he saw Changsun waving his hand at him outside his apartment. It was the weekend, so he was dressed casually in shorts and a tight black singlet showing off his body. Joongki had forgotten how addicted to the gym Changsun was, it was not often he saw him out of work. He slipped out the front door, wondering if this was a good idea. But he didn’t say anything as Changsun started the engine and they drove towards the boy’s address.
“Hm, I think it’s this way right.”
“If he still lives here, he might have moved.” Joongki frowned, and then he shrugged as Changsun pulled into a street. “I mean who knows what happened? Just because his heart was fine – doesn’t mean he wasn’t killed some other way.” He sighed, feeling depressed, “What if he was hit by a car on the day we discharged him. Or he got depressed and killed himself, or someone attacked him.”
“Hyung, you’re such a pessimist.” Changsun rolled his eyes across at the other doctor. “Did you not check the papers for the death notices? He was not in them. He’s still alive. He’s probably enjoying living – appreciating life after having a week where he thought he was dying. Didn’t you say you saw a transformation in him – from being happy that he was dying, to not wanting to die? I mean he might still have problems and need counselling but I’m sure he will be okay.”
“Yeah I guess.” Joongki sighed, “Yeah he did change. I’m just not sure if what I did was right. Would he have felt the same if he had known all along that he was fine?” He shrugged and the other doctor sighed heavily. “And the drugs we gave him to cause those attacks – at least they could not harm him. But I wonder if we could have achieved the same result without lying.”
“You did nothing wrong, nothing at all hyung. All you did was make someone want to live again. And I think if you had told him the truth he still would have wanted to die, so I think you did the right thing.” Changsun grinned, “Ah we’re almost there I think. Trust me – Jinki is fine, he’s probably happier than he was before.” Joongki shrugged and then just sighed, wondering if Changsun was right.
It wasn’t long before they were peering at street signs and then, they were in Jinki’s old neighbourhood. Changsun slowed the car down, waiting for directions from the elder, and it felt like it took forever but they soon reached his street. Changsun pulled over at a group of shops, and he turned to talk to Joongki, when his eyes widened and he pointed out the window.
“What?” Joongki turned and froze as he saw Minho and Jinki walking down the street, walking past the shops towards the apartment block and the car. “Oh.” Joongki frowned, “Um wow, I guess we know he’s okay now.” He sighed and he watched the two walk past. “They were really close I guess.” He smiled, as they walked closer to where they were parked. Changsun and Joongki watching curiously as Minho and Jinki walked right past the car.
“Hyung,” Minho’s voice was soft, and the doctor’s eyes widened as he saw that his ex patients were holding hands. He knew they were close but had not realised how close, and he groaned softly as they stopped barely a metre from the car. “Hyung, it’s been a month.” Minho squeezed Jinki’s hand softly, “I don’t think you’re going to die tomorrow.” Joongki and Changsun watched as Minho leaned in and kissed Jinki’s forehead softly.
“Well…” Jinki mumbled softly, “you never know.” He pouted up at Minho, “I could die tomorrow.” He shrugged casually, sighing happily as Minho leaned in and hugged him. “It’s weird; the doc said I had a week… I wonder why.” He frowned and bit his lip, “Do you think he was mistaken?” Jinki asked the other boy, who shrugged and then smiled.
“Nah, it was that wish.” Minho looked triumphant and he leaned in and kissed Jinki’s forehead again, his hands cupping Jinki’s jaw softly. “The three cherry blossom petals, you wished to live longer right?” He smiled and then kissed Jinki across the lips. “That’s why… and because the universe realised that someone like you… could not die yet.”
“Oh… okay.” Jinki blushed slightly and he looked down at the ground, “I kinda um enjoyed just living for the moment.” He swallowed, “You know how free we’ve been and how much fun we’ve been having. It’s been the most enjoyable time ever.” He nodded his head slowly, “I didn’t want that to end.” He bit his lip and Minho squeezed his hand tightly again.
“I know, but it’s kind of stressful for me,” Minho swallowed, “thinking that everyday could be your last.” He frowned, “Do you remember that nightmare I had ... the night we thought you were going to die? I dreamt that I woke up to watch the sunrise with you but you were dead and I was screaming ‘no no no!’ over and over until you woke up. That was so horrible. It was so real – in the dream your body was so stiff and there was no heartbeat.” Minho shivered, “It just felt so real, and it did not feel like a dream at all!”
“Yeah,” Jinki smiled, “It was kind of funny though, because I woke up and you were screaming and shaking me.” He paused and poked his tongue out at the other boy, “And when I woke you up, you just looked so stunned and shocked when you realised I was still alive. I’m glad you haven’t had any other nightmares like that.” He bit his lip, “I guess I’m scared... to go back to school, feels like we’ll stop having fun when we go back.”
“Hyung, we can still have lots of fun.” Minho nodded his head brightly, “I just think we should go back to school… together.” He nodded his head slowly, “I won’t let anyone hurt you, and we can still have lots of fun.” Minho paused and looked around, before he rubbed his stomach and mumbled, “Ah, I’m hungry now, can we decide what to eat and then continue this?” Minho pouted and looked across at the food stall they were standing close to.
“Hehe, I swear you’re a bottomless pit Minho! Sure, let’s eat.” He grinned as Minho placed an arm around his shoulder and they went over to the stall, sitting down on the stools out the front. “Thank you Minho, for putting up with me.” Jinki murmured softly, and Joongki and Changsun decided it was time to leave. Joongki felt satisfied and happy to see both of them looking so happy and good.
“I don’t put up with you.” Minho raised one eyebrow, “I love you, I love spending time with you, and so it’s not putting up with you.” He shrugged and hugged Jinki tightly. “Don’t worry about anything hyung, you make me happy, so don’t say I put up with you.” He grinned as he saw Jinki looking away shyly before he nodded his head.
“Okay.” Jinki mumbled softly, feeling incredibly happy and slightly embarrassed too. He felt bad because he was sure Minho wanted more than just kisses but he could not give that, not yet anyways. But he enjoyed living with Minho and hanging out so much. He did not think he could ever be happier and he felt strangely glad he had tried to kill himself because otherwise he might not have met Minho. He glanced across at Minho, smiling as he heard the other boy ordering food for him and he whispered a soft thanks to the universe for letting him find Minho and letting him live. It felt like a miracle to Jinki, every day that he woke up and found Minho there. Everyday that he realised he was still alive, and it made him appreciate everything so much more than he ever had before.
The end ;D?
NO IDEA IF THAT ENDING WAS ACCEPTABLE OR NOT :/
*runs far away* bye :/